I miss this so bloody freaking much.

Say bye.

you can take back your memories,

they're no good to me.

Your love is my drug.

Oh, great I just reached home not long ago. I was out the whole day. Met Thinesh @cck to get my ciggs then went off to cck library with xy to study a lil bit. Met up with koji, I went to smoke then had Mac meal with them. After that, koji went off, then me and xy went crazy. Shopped and started blabbering about cupcake. LOL. Mad one. We went to play ddr. Ate shaved ice at Lot1 basement. This girl ah, purposely wanna remind me of zhixiang only. The 1st time I ate shaved ice was with him @fareast basement. [insert a billion sad faces]. After that, Ahboon bro came down Lot1 to meet me. Watched him play ddr awhile then xy went off. Me and bro took a bus down to batok whilst we had a talk about Wisely and stuff. Met up with Wisely @g2k for awhile. Watched him eat, then bro went down to Yishun with me and watched me eat my Mega Mac meal + apple pie. Woohoo. Then he cab me home. Yay.

I haven't had a proper meetup with Ahboon bro. The last time that we had a proper meet up was like 2 fucking years ago. That was when I was sec2. I wonder if I've changed. Hehhh. He said I'm still as stubborn as 2 years ago. Yay. Stubbornness ftw!

W : The past is the past. What we had together 2 years ago can never be again right now. We can never go back to the way we used to be. You changed so much. You can never go back to who you used to be. The nice guy from polar. Now, you're that ex-boyfriend who's just merely toying with me. You look for me because she broke up with you, and you're lonely. Thats all there is to that. Junkang was right. ;)

MY FUCKING PARCEL HAVEN'T YET
ARRIVED. ITS BEEN FUCKING HELL THREE
DAYS ALREADY. I AM DYING. :(

Kththth, I'm outtttttttt, gonna go sleep now! Hopefully insomnia won't come searching for me! Alright, I'm off, don't miss me. Woooohoooo. I hope I don't sleep my whole Sunday away. I swear I will kill myself if that happens. Gonna meet koji bro tml, hopefully. He still fucking owes me my Itouch. :(

只想爱你..

Just because someone flirts with you, doesn’t mean they like you.
Just because someone likes you, doesn’t mean they want to date you.
Just because someone dates you, doesn’t mean they love you.
Just because someone loves you, doesn’t mean they won’t hurt you.

Alright, I'm headed out to meet wisely (maybe?) then meet thinesh to take cigg then I'm meeting the people to study. Woohoo. Hopefully I can conc ba. Wisely is driving me insane. -.-

It is FINALLY friday.

Yay! This is the 1st picture in MONTHS that I took via my hp. I hate my hp camera. Plus, I'm so god damn lazy to upload them most of the time. Hmmmmm. I have been going out almost everyday this week. Hectic as hell. I've been reaching home at 1 am plus everyday. And today is finally an exception! I reached home early today. Woohooooo. I'm running out of ciggs again. Gonna go buy again tml. My money... :( I've been treating my blog like crap these days. No proper updates and stuff. Lazy lah. I feel like the online world is so boring these days. :/ K, I'm off.

Your empty promises... I still remember them.

Cadbury texted me just now. I met up with him at Yishun for awhile then he went back to army camp.

Fuck it man. Something from 2 years ago? Fuck. You became so scary. Fuck fuck fuck. You were so fucking drunk. And honestly I fucking regret meeting you. I thought we could revive memories from 2 years back. But fuck it, you were fucking insane. "You're girls all like that, only know how to leave me." You're really insane. Thats why I'm scared of you. I never thought you'd become this way. I really miss the person that you used to be. The happy guy from polar. The guy who would smile whenever he saw me. That fucking sweet smile. Now, you give that fucking scary smirk. You changed so much. Your mindset is forever "All girls are the same, they all left me." I cannot take it, really. You were insane. Crazy. You used to be the sweetest person that I ever knew. I remember the places that you used to bring me. And I remember how much you loved me. But fuck, I want you to change. You're a monster now.

YOU DON'T KNOW ME,

YOU DON'T EVEN CARE.

I told myself I won't miss you, but I rmb, what it feels like beside you. we never really had a closure. could this be the end? the things that remind me of you, do they remind you of me?

there're a billion and one people who are out to ruin your life. and they won't stop until you fall down for good. god damn it. fuck these people, really. there're so judgemental, and so two faced. why're they even like this? I mean like, what did anyone ever do to them? is it their job to go all out to tear people apart? who are they? what are they? really inhumane. best part is, its always the people that you don't even know that are this way. god. I'm blabbering nonsense. don't mind me. I've abandoned this blog quite a lot. haven't been updating as much as usual. sighhhhxz. I'm going to sleep early.

anyway, 1 last thing, happy birthday yawata bro.

Never again.

those first few times that we went out. vanilla essence. rmb? ;/

Temporary happiness. Who wouldn't want it? I smoked my whole pack finish today. Die. Tml how. :( Had a heart to heart talk with her today again. We're so similar. All our feelings bottled inside. I haven't opened up to anyone for so long.

Jess K., can I talk to you? Idk for what also.

Speed of reaction.

No, I didn't study at all for Chemistry. :( I am prepared for failure. I just couldn't touch my books at all. Heh. I was too busy being happy. LOL. No school today, so I woke up at around 2 pm. Yay. Headed to school to look for Cecilia and the gang. Watched them eat lunch whilst I had a talk with a friend. Okay, love that talk. ;);) Kthth, she doesn't read my blog, so yeah. I'm really ultra happy today! A lot of good stuff happened today. Heh. Oh, I skipped tuition cause smt happened :/ I went for night study instead, after that went opposite school to smoke and had dinner at Macs. Went home kinda late. Needa catch some sleeeeeeep tonight. Kththththhhh bye. (Idk why, K just seems so empty without thththth. :/)

♥ : oyjoyjoyj ;);)

Yay, my life damn great. I'm super duper happy now. ;););) Kayyy. byebye!

♥ : oyj

Believe in me.

如果 有一天 我不再对你说我想你，

我不再对你说我爱你， 我不再主动找你，

我也不会吃醋， 恭禧你 你自由了，

而我 也真的放下了.

What is life? Whats the use when you break inside? You know how much one blow could put me down. But it wasn't just one blow that you gave me. It was continuous. You won't stop. You refuse to. Even until now. What kind of a human are you? I really wish I knew who you really were before I got so emotionally attached. Really, what the heck. And it isn't the first time. You treat every single girl that has ever loved you wholeheartedly like dirt. You don't know what a girl is thinking. You push the blame to the girl, making her feel terrible and remorseful. When rightfully, you were the one in the wrong. You just somehow knew how to manipulate it to seem otherwise. Thats what I hate about you. But, I cannot say that I have never loved you. I really did. But you disappointed me. You made me regret falling, cause you weren't there to catch me. You left. Like all the rest. Less than three. Last time. --- Phys paper was shit. I guess I'm really going to retain already. Oh yeah, Ted was taking the paper in the hall together with the 4E5N! Thumbs up! Hahaha. I couldn't concentrate on the paper because I was dozing off. I didn't sleep again last night. I just couldn't fall asleep. My daily routine excludes sleep. My life = great right? I know. I love my life too. Aw well. I need to find something happy in my life. And fast. Really. What the heck. By the way, I love this picture. 

Floating high above.

I didn't really study much just now. I misplaced the ring that he bought for me. What the heck. I somehow dropped it at north point. I was searching around frantically for it, but ofc to no avail. Ridiculous waste of time eh? Sigh. I told him that I lost it, and he said "forget about it." Wanting best, she said that it was a good thing. Quek and koji said that it was a sign that God wanted me to get over him. easier said than done. We've just been through too much for me to forget. And to forget, makes me feel like a huge part of me is gone. Sigh. A lot of nonsense cropped up. Feels like shit, really. Praying hard to do well for tml's paper!!! Oh yeah, I'm typing this with my itouch. One last thing to you, less than three. You're everything I never thought you were. You made me feel like what we had together was just a lie. Like I didn't even know you. I hate that.

Twice as many stars in the sky.

Sean posted this on facebook just now. Made me smile somehow. Indians rock. Yay. \m/ K, I miss going to church with Sean and the people. We used to make fun of Dom Dill and his skin colour. Like, we'd switch off the lights and go "Dommmm? Where are you?" Lolol. Okay, I miss those times. I miss sitting at the spider web place with Joel and Sean and watch them playing guitar and sing. I miss laughing at Sean's voice when he sings. I miss playing with his dog fur hair. Omg. As in. His hair feels like dog fur. Seriously. Its very very soft.

Anyway, I gotta go prepare now. I'm going Yishun Starbucks to study for Physics and probably a bit of Chemistry as well. I hope the Prelim papers won't be so difficult. Oh who am I kidding? Obviously they'll be damn difficult. Wish me luck then! I'm gonna be late. Oh, one last thing, thanks Quek. ;)

Compassion.

His love is all she knows.

You disgust me. Monster. Less than three? *thumbs down.

Thats my new facebook profile picture. I really really like this picture eh. Anyway, I was home this whole day. No life? I agree. Initially planned on meeting Matthew or something, but I didn't contact him and neither did he. Next time then. :) I didn't really touch any books today. I was using the computer + itouch the whole day. Awww. Went out for dinner with my Mum at some coffee shop. Dad went to work already. Too bad. I have nothing to blog about, as usual. I just have to fill in this space here and I'm gonna shut down the comp and use my itouch. I feel so damn addicted to that thing. Gah. I just downloaded Sims 3 Ambitions. Heh. I think its damn cool. A bit boring, but doesn't matter. ;);) Oh man. I have an ulcer on the tip of my tongue and its really very very pain. Oh, and to you. You knew very very well that I was in love with him. Yet you went to happily talk to him? I know you had something against me cause of heaven knows what. But really. What is this man? I'm not saying that I'm pissed with you or what. I just think its damn weird and damn sudden kay. And, I'm not saying that it matters anything to me at all. Cause really, I don't give a damn. And I couldn't care less. Maybe I'm just a little disappointed in him.

Better in time.

I still can remember that day just as though it was yesterday. I remember that day, I was crying, and you hugged me in the middle of no where whilst I cried. I can't simply forget everything just like that. I really can't. Especially after all the things we've been through. There's just so much to remember about you. Asking me to forget you, is just like asking me to remember a complete stranger. You keep appearing in front of me, and when I walk away, you keep looking at me. Why? My eyes caught your gaze. And suddenly...

I have always been lying to myself when I say "I am over you." but every time our paths cross, I realize that yeah, I have been lying to myself a lot. I somehow have this huge hope inside of me. That you would come back to me. Impossible, I know. But still.

I'm still stuck in between somewhere and nowhere. I don't know why.

Let this love die.

I have been at this "New Post" page for more than 1 hour already. Still, I have nothing much to blog about. Somehow, my heart doesn't hurt as much as it used to. It just feels really very very numb. Over excessive sleep must have caused that. I feel like I've been sleeping a lot. And I feel like going back to sleep again. I need to study for physics though. There's a physics paper on Monday. 36 more days till O levels. I want to get it over and done with. I don't care if I do badly.

Story of a broken heart.

You told me not to hurt someone. But you're doing exactly that to me.

You know, immediately after I reached home from school, around 4 pm, I went straight to sleep. I was just so tired. I only slept for half an hour last night. I just woke up not long ago. And when I got out of bed, I walked around the house and realized that both my parents weren't at home. And a sudden fear struck me. Like, what if something happened to them outside? An accident or something? My mum doesn't usually go out late without telling me, cause she knows I'll worry. I texted her, and she didn't reply me. But, after awhile, she was back home. I was really scared. I mean, if any of my parents were to die, I won't know what to do. Really. Now I sorta understand why parents will go insane when we don't reply their texts.

Today's Amath paper was shit. It was really very difficult. I fell asleep halfway through the paper cause I was really very tired. I couldn't think properly. I couldn't even do the first few questions. And usually, the first few questions are the easier ones. Anyway, whilst I was sleeping, Miss Gopal whacked my back damn hard. And she started massaging my back and shoulder. Wow. Cool teacher. Hahaha. She said she was upset that I didn't come for the EL paper on that Wednesday. Aw well.

I don’t trust anyone.

I’m the kind of person who’s always paranoid. I always expect the worst. I always worry something will go wrong, or that people don’t like me, or that they’re lying to me. And when something finally does go wrong, which it’s bound to, I always think it’s my fault. I dislike myself so much, and I have trouble seeing why anyone would want to stick around, so I find reasons to act like I don’t care. I hate it. I wish I could just go through life without holding back because of my fears, I know I’d do better that way. But I can never escape that feeling that I’m going to fail, or that everything that’s important to me will just go away.

She disappeared.
I disappeared.

I need to find myself right now. I have been buried under massive things. I want to go back to being myself, truthfully. Not the one who pretends to be happy. I want to go back to the "me" who really was happy. I don't need anyone to help me with that. If I really want to, I can. And I really want to. Maybe I just need time to bury unwanted memories. I always thought... If you came back, I'd come back too. I'd be "me" again. Thats an impossible option though. I will grow used to the solitude soon anyway.